Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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