Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
