He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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