You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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