You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
