u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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