but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you inspire me to be a worse person
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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