I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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