yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
