your room smells of hookers.
And success
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
