yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
