I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I looked at my own cervix.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
