There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
