I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
