There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
