yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
