sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
