Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
