Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
