I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
