were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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