hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
