Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
