Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
