He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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