she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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