she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Houston, we have a blender
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
