I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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