Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
