She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
