Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
