The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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