oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
