So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
