I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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