I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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