im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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