so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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