just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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