Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
