I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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