Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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