u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
