i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
