So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
