The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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