woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
