I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
