my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
