its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize