i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
