youre lurking in front of me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize