Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize