Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
