Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
