The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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