I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
