Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
