Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
