Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
