look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
