I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The power of my boobs compel you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
