Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
