Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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