I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
