he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
